Why I Choose to Love my Husband Above our Children

My husband and I celebrated SIX years of our crazy love.

I was already planning an evening with Netflix and a cup of hot tea - yes, tea. (Green or black tea with a splash of honey is my jam.

While attempting to fold laundry and organize the basement, ( all while toys were being launched across the room) I heard a familiar song over the speakers. My husband had synced his phone to the basement radio to play the song I had walked down the aisle to. He even had a single rose in hand. 

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I couldn't believe it.

He arranged for my sister-in-law to watch the boys; so off we went to celebrate, just him and I. 

  

That evening, it occurred to me that we had been abusing "our time." The time that is meant to strengthen us. Our marriage had been placed on the back burner for whenever convenient. That time couples require to mature as a spouse and a parent.

Becoming a wife also comes much responsibility.

Ephesians 5:22-23 states to "submit yourselves onto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of his wife, even as Christ is the head of the church..." 

And husbands are to mirror a love for their wives just as Christ has for the church. When Jesus calls wives to be submissive, that is not to be considered a weakness but rather meekness. Defined as being humble or righteous: King David, Paul the Apostle, Moses and Jesus Christ himself were all described as being "meek." Although, it is a rare virtue among those in an aggressive and over-bearing world, the Lord says, "blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Matthew 5:5 

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As I strive to become better at my wifely duties: to be meek, obedient, tender-hearted, loyal, respectful, kind, and careful not to let my funny bone deteriorate, I am simply doing my best. Over the years, I can see where my husband may feel devalued while having battled for my attention and/or affection. I truly believe that a marriage sets the tone in the household. When we disagree, our children can sense the tension and unfortunately, converts into hostile parenting. 

 

Ultimately, our children perceive us as primary role models. How I speak, my mannerisms and the respect I show towards my husband (and vice versa) is how they will ultimately treat others, possibly their future spouse. I hope that they will turn to prayer to help sustain both their marriage and families.

This is why I choose to love my husband above my children; so that they may respect, trust and see our love as mighty and intimate as Christ's love for the church.

As a mother, continue to extend a hand of guidance, love and prepare them for the challenging road ahead. And as a wife, lend your obedient ear, faithful hands and steadfast heart to the one He created for you. After all, you are on the same team.

 

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BIOGRAPHY

Amy is a devoted wife and mother with a passion for connecting with women in all walks of life. Her blog, The Gilded Wife encourages and empowers women to live a full, free, and fierce life according to God's word. Her joy is found in the Lord and gives all the glory to Him. She enjoys traveling, is a lover of dark chocolate, and hopes to become a foster parent one day. 

 

The Biggest Mistake I Made as a New Mom

This post contains affiliate links.

 

When I first discovered we were pregnant with our first child, I couldn't read enough articles, have enough Pinterest boards and ask anyone and everyone about their experience as a mother. 

I was literally a sponge, trying to soak up every bit of knowledge and lesson from women who have been there, done that

But I learned quickly that books, advice and pretty pin boards could only better prepare for the technical aspects of motherhood. Because the moment I was induced for delivery, all those hours of reading and note-taking went out the window. 

In the famous words of the Fresh-Prince, "my world just flipped-turned-upside-down."

 

 

Nothing prepares you for the endless night feedings, the creams, sprays and special "bottom napkins" worn for weeks post-delivery - not to mention chest soreness and leakage.

Sure, there are endless highlights to giving birth and raising littles but the heat behind the scenes doesn't always relay through a friend's picture perfect delivery on Facebook, does it? There are SO many filters and editing tools nowadays that we soon begin comparing our lives to theirs.

At least I did.

I know how this goes because I fell victim to this lack of transparency far too often. This is what ultimately led up to my biggest mistake as a new mom.

I completely and utterly ADORE my sons, I really do. My husband is a rockstar for the continuous love and support he gives our family. But it was me - just me with a newborn while he worked and our families were hours away. And while being a stay at home mom has many perks, it can be lonely at times.

 I started visiting blogs of moms who were in the same boat as me and wondering, "how in the world do they have all their stuff together??"

There I was with a newborn, sitting in three-day old shirt, in envy, wanting what she had...

Hi my name is Amy and I am victim to this little thing called comparison. 

One minute, I was googling 'the age a child starts walking' then I'm on WebMD self-diagnosing 3847 different things between my son and I. I had allowed the feeling of guilt and "not enough" linger in my thoughts much longer than I should have. 

It robbed me of joyful moments, time from family and left me paralyzed emotionally. I just stopped living FULLY. 

I had to STOP this persistent thief of comparison from defining who I was and what I needed to be for my children. I say children now because, at times I still struggle with comparison but I know now, no matter what I read or hear, God is in control

FRIENDS...

Do not let your negative thoughts from within or from others dictate your life. 

Others cannot make you feel inferior without your permission; because ultimately, the only opinion that matters is Gods. 

You are a fantastic mom and human being! Yes there will be tough days ahead. Yes you will want to lock yourself in a room to just breathe, cry, and maybe sneak a treat or two without little hands grabbing at you...but you know what, those moments are temporary. 

Find the silver lining in all things. 

There is one. I promise.

Continue to take too many pictures, give too many hugs & kisses and love on your family like there's no tomorrow.

 

If you reasonate with this post, I'd love to hear from you and your experience below, or privately...we do need each other to get through one of the toughest life seasons and yet so rewarding! 

xoxo!

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How Marriage Has Humbled Me

*This post contains some affiliate links.*

 

What I'm learning as a newlywed and a fairly new mother is that these years are some of the most challenging, and demanding years I have experienced in my life. I call them, the molding years. I don't mean to give them a negative connotation, but I have struggled within my marriage and being a mother that always lead me to this question, how can I be better?

My sweet friend Madison Weaver recently released a devotional called, "Becoming One." A 30-day devotional helps reconnects you and your spouse on a deeper level through Christ. I firmly believe that the relationship between the husband and wife set the tone for the household. A healthy marriage is paramount for a well-balanced, thriving home.

I'm so excited for her to share her heart behind her devotional and why she chose (and continues to) blog about marriage. 

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Writing has always been a passion of mine. I was the kid who was always stuck at a desk writing stories and memoirs, and I’m a sucker for a good love story. At one time I even thought I wanted to be an author, but I dismissed it as a hobby and continued on thinking it was a dream I'd never achieve.

 


Flash forward years later. I was newly married at 18, trying to figure out what God was calling me to do with my life. The years before had been rough. My husband and I had been heavily judged by others in regards to us getting married at such an young age. We lost relationships with family members and friends, and it seemed as though people thought marriage was a bad thing. As if God cursed us with it. We felt like we were the only young couple deciding to choose love over what the world had to over. We felt like we had very little support as a young married couple.

As I was reflecting on all of the things that had taken place over the past few years, I felt God was calling me to share my experiences with other couples and help them in some way. Finding ways to better my marriage and draw us closer to God and each other has been my passion for a long time. I could sit and write about it for hours and hours. Then one day I thought, “Why don't I start a blog to help other young wives (or even wives of all ages) better their marriages and draw closer to their husbands?” So I did, and it has been one of the most challenging, yet rewarding things I've ever done!

 


My hope for my ministry is to encourage and equip wives to love and care for their marriages with all their hearts as well as their relationship with God. They should never be separate! In order to have a Godly and passionate marriage, God must be the foundation. Many couples struggle in their marriage because they don't know how to place God in the center, as well as deal with difficult situations and problems that arise in marriage. There are lots of devotionals out there today that give great encouragement and vaguely explain what you need to do be a better wife, have a more happier and Godly marriage, etc. Do they all refer to specific scripture related to common struggles, give you specific tips on how to rekindle your love, and give you a challenge to complete everyday with your spouse that will help you truly become one? Most don't! That's why I created the 30-day devotional for wives titled, "Becoming One" that will do just that; help wives truly become one with their husbands.

Are you looking for a way to bring the spark back to your marriage? Are you looking for help in making God the foundation of your relationship? Do you want to actively pursue your husband on a daily basis and become the wife God calls you to be? "Becoming One" will help and encourage you every single step of the way. By the end of the thirty days, you will have a fresh perspective on how God views marriage and what a sacred and beautiful thing it is.

"Becoming One" is originally $5.99, but I want to thank all the wonderful readers of The Gilded Wife by giving you 10% off using code "thegildedwife"! I don't want you to miss out on this amazing opportunity to strengthen your marriage and your relationship with the Lord. To purchase, click here.


I also have an exclusive Facebook support group only for Christian wives! This is a place where wives of all ages can be encouraged, connect with, and get advice from other ladies! We would love to have you join us. Click to join here




Connect with Madison!

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How to Relive Your Memories Today

**This post is sponsored by Shutterfly but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.**

 

This past Valentine's Day, I ran out of ideas on how to make the day of "love and all things hearts" a bit more special. I had used Shutterfly MANY times in the past to collect, consolidate and share memorable photos from every event imaginable. I recently heard about Shutterfly's "Make My Book" service and if you're like me, I'm all for saving time when possible. And they certainly delivered.

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I had never used the Make My Book service before and was eager to start! Here is what I enjoyed about the service:

  • Time-Efficient. For $9.99 a professional designer will curate 60-100 pictures submitted by the customer (he/she will make any necessary edits) and select those of best quality in order to design a beautifully-crafted photo book - for your review. I received my revisions in less than 24 hours! 

  • Professionalism. I am THAT woman that will ask a million and one questions. I was very impressed with how attentive and helpful my personal designer was with my needs and requests.  

  • Personable. At first, I was hesitant with this service; because, I like to be in control. I do. Before submitting my photos, I received a mini- questionnaire about themes, colors, quotes, embellishments, etc. and it put me at ease. My personal photo book was contrived within my wedding theme along with our entertaining memories that brought the very day back to life for us.   

I couldn't wait for my husband and our boys to see our very own wedding day photo book. After been married 5 years, I wanted to revisit our day of "I do's" - day one of the rest of our lives.

Some of my most cherished moments that day: getting ready with my bridesmaids & mother-in-law, my mom fastening my veil, a letter from my "fiancé," praying for our marriage and crying when I saw my dad (the only time I cried that day!) 

My son says, "beautiful mom!" 

My handsome nephews as the ring bearers. They practically stole the show! 

I married into the kindest, most genuine, loving family. They felt like family long before we said, "I do" that day. Levi loved seeing everyone!

Oh, and things got a little out of hand with the church instruments! 

A prerequisite for our bridal party was that you MUST LOVE to dance! They all passed.

My husband was in charge of the food and drinks. I just wanted to sing and dance with the people we love.

Clearly, the Make My Book service was a hit with my family. My husband was grinning while our boys pointed and laughed. 

"I found the one whom my soul loves." - Song of Solomon 3:4

...to be continued.

 

Thank you Shutterfly for delivering a quality keepsake filled with cherished wedding memories in a timely fashion. This book will last a lifetime in our hearts and on our coffee table.  

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How Putting my Husband First Saved Our Marriage

Becoming a wife and mother are filled daily with self-sacrifical choices for women. To place another's needs before your known is an absolute display of love and devotion. 

My remarkable friend, Ana from She Found Grace discusses more about the importance of placing your spouse above all other needs. Ana is a wife and mother who longs to fulfill God's will in her life and to share His message with others. Her desire is to display characteristics of a godly woman and to utilize her platform as a wife and mother to connect with women who are also seeking God's Glory.

 GUEST POST

 

"I don't think we should stay together, it's just not working out", those words to this day give me shivers and I was the one who said them to my husband after only 4 years of marriage. 

 

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Growing up I was told, "your children come first because they will never leave you but a man can come and go." This was so heavily installed in my mind and growing up, I was always first before my father. If my parents were talking and I interrupted, my father was hushed. There was also no such thing as a date night in my household growing up; because, it was a waste of time and only selfish mothers wanted to be away from their kids...right?

As our family grew, my mother's priorities were her three little girls and at the end of the day when she was tired and had nothing left to give, she slept with us. My mother was only ever trying to be the mother she never had and I love her for it; but growing up, there was a lot of tension from the lack of time with my father. I could hear my father's plea for time but, my mother was convinced that as a Christian mother, her children were her ministry and not her husband. 

 

When my time came for marriage, naturally my mind was made up... Chris (my husband ) was not to be to important because, he could just up and leave and I had wasted my time; but my daughters, OH my precious daughters, they were to be my mini-idols as all my time and energy was to go to only to them. And God forbid I left them to go on a date.

Maybe it's a cultural chain or maybe our motherly instincts that can and WILL cross healthy boundaries created by God. Regardless of the root, my marriage suffered severely, far more than that of my parent's marriage, at least from what I knew. I refused to spend time with my husband and when we did I was uninterested and I let it be known.

 

To me, I was being a GREAT mother but what I missed was God's order and the lack of that order was causing anger and separation in our home. 

 

When I was 20 years old, I remember our marriage breaking apart quickly and finally after four short years, we had decided we just were never meant to be and he shared with me, "you never spend time with me and I needed your help and love too", but in my mind I saw nothing wrong with that what I was doing. 

As I returned to Christ that year, my husband came to Christ through this change. But even as a Christian woman, I refused to believe God's order; until one day in the midst of this chaos, a very close friend and I talked about my marriage (since I admired her so much and her marriage was so giving - it was beautiful.) And since we knew them so intimately, I knew the arguments and chatter they had never destroyed them the way it was doing to ours.  

She shared with me God's order in a family and as hard as it was for me to agree, I had to believe God created this design in his infinite wisdom and that it's meant to work and so far my order was causing heart-break. I dove into the word of God and every time it mentioned families, it would say husband's are first after God. After God it was my husband, myself and THEN my children. It was so hard for me to believe that God really wanted this as the order. I had to trust that He is far wiser than me and that my marriage was where it was partly, because of the order it was in. 

 

So I am sure you are wondering were in scripture it says this. Well, I will share just a few that I had to memorize as I asked God to transform me and renew my mind to His will.

 

Deuteronomy 6:5, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” All of one’s heart, soul, and strength is to be committed to loving God, making Him the first priority.

 

If married, your spouse comes next. A married man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians5:25). Christ’s first priority—after obeying and glorifying the Father—was the church. Here is an example a husband should follow: God first, then his wife. In the same way, wives are to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). The principle is that a woman’s husband is second only to God in her priorities.

 

If husbands and wives are second only to God in our priorities, and since a husband and wife are one flesh (Ephesians 5:31), it stands to reason that the result of the marriage relationship—children—should be the next priority. Parents are to raise godly children who will be the next generation of those who love the Lord with all their hearts (Proverbs 22:6Ephesians 6:4), showing once again that God comes first. All other family relationships should reflect that. credit to: Gotquestion.com

 

When I finally gave my whole heart to God on this matter, I quickly saw the change in my marriage. So much so, that my own mother wanted to know what happened in our marriage. So much so that almost a decade, later my husband and I are firm in the Lord and give Him the Glory for our marriage. 

 

I learned that yes, our daughters are so important and they are my ministry; but, my husband and I need to be together stronger for our daughters and that our marriage wasn't neglected - as I was led to believe all my life. 

Our daughters needed to see what works in a marriage and that it only works in God's order. They need to see that mommy loves daddy so much that she take the time to be alone with him and that we are a team and not two strangers constantly fighting against each other. They need to feel stability coming from both of us as their parents and what it looks like to glorify God in a marriage. We had to set standards, so when they get married, they know the difference between a godly marriage and the marriage we had prior to God's order. We want to save them the experience of going through what we did to understand God's order of marriage. 

 

To maintain a godly marriage you first need to put God in it; then obey His order.

 

You can't have a godly marriage without God in it. A godly marriage will still have issues, because we are two sinners in need of grace; but when we have Jesus, we know who to run to. We know His order and what we can do to let go of our pride and make marriage work. 

My husband and I had to learn to be together in a room without children and talk about our marriage, repent and fix what we had done. We had to pray and still do for God's Spirit to guide us as a team. We found ways to laugh and play together as our daughters laughed along with us. We are terrible at date nights; but still, I must admit that we know the importance of them.

Now, when we leave for a few hours, our daughter's smile as I get ready and yell with joy to "HAVE FUN love birds!" 

 

I see such a difference in our marriage and how putting my husband first is truly God's design.

 

If you are wondering about my parents, they have come to realize the importance of this matter. And even though they no longer have small children at home, they are hardly ever alone and are always going on the dates they missed out on in their young marriage.

Now we have two generations following God's design and my daughters make a point to share with me that they can't wait to go on dates and love their husbands. 

 

 

 

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